Ban these instead
Remember those 12 hours when TikTok got Punk'd?
You know when you overreact about a situation that’s not that deep, only to come out on the other side a couple of hours later, feeling absolutely mortified and embarrassed? To me, that is exactly what the short-lived (but very dramatic!) January 19 TikTok ban felt like.
People cried (for their livelihood and freedom, understandably so). RedNote, also known as Xiaohongshu, flooded with millions of self-proclaimed “TikTok refugees” (a term so unserious and borderline offensive, it makes my head hurt) and became number one on the App Store. Your favorite influencer went on camera for one last dance and admitted she was lying for clout. Irony or not, are we even surprised? Questions like “what are we supposed to do now”, “how will my spy survive”, and “are they still here” were thrown left and right. Users speculated that this was all a scheme from Meta, a distraction while servers were merged. And then it was back, “saved” by the same guy who tried to ban it in the first place. All business as usual. Except for a few minor details (it’s fucking scary out there, for a lot of people, and for a lot of reasons), but who’s actually paying more than 30 seconds of attention to the context when you can scroll and brain rot again!!!
Just between you and me (this is still a safe space, right?), if these people wanted to ban something, they could’ve just banned themselves. And take these with them on the way out.
Feeling embarrassed for trying
If there’s something I’ve grappled with since I can remember, it’s the idea of being mediocre (cc, this brilliant piece by
. I still get chills reading it; it’s like she was in my head the entire time).This thought of doing something and not succeeding at it has been a paralyzing force for most of my life. I say most of my life because I have experienced the other side of this numbing power—a past version, high on confidence, blinded by delusion, inebriated with all these hopes that I struggle to recall. I don’t see myself in her anymore. The person who took her place exists as a personification of the “maybe I’m not good enough” monologue from La La Land. A vicious cycle, a broken wheel that somehow still find a way to go round and round and round again, until there’s no one left to hear her say the words one last time. “Maybe I'm one of those people that has always wanted to do it, but it's like a pipe dream for me.”
This agonizing feeling walks hand in hand with the embarrassment of being seen trying. Worse, being seen trying, and failing. And age doesn’t make it any easier. Sure, there’s this part of you that has matured and couldn’t care less what other people think anymore, but she’s not alone—next to her lies this other part of yourself, the one who’s absolutely mortified, who’s afraid to come face to face with failure and lose, who sees external validation as the indicator that she’s doing the right thing.
It’s wishful thinking, hoping for the day when this half decides to leave the function and never come back (the vibe she brings is unbearable sometimes). But maybe she can go touch some grass and stay there for more than 12 hours?
Going above and beyond
Not to be confused with giving up easily or disappearing the second something doesn’t go according to plan, or the minute someone shows you that their human, and that their bound to make mistakes. Making an effort is a delicate and sometimes necessary art, but so is knowing when to let go.
And that’s what I mean by going above and beyond. It’s burning yourself out trying to prove yourself, explain your point and be understood, or make someone see you and recognize your worth. It’s bending over backwards and pulling every Simone Biles stunt in the book, only to realize the balance beam was crocked in the first place. There’s no way you’re getting that gold, no matter how hard you try. It’s a routine I’m no longer willing to do—not when I have given my all, time and time again. There’s only one place it leads you to, and that is nowhere.
As I read somewhere a few weeks ago, lack of reciprocity is not an invitation for you to try harder.
Taking things way too personally
I’ve come to realize that 99,9% of what goes on in our lives is a projection of something else. And that no matter how hard it is to acknowledge and accept (since this often shows the worse side of us), triggers are our greatest teachers. They’re always one step ahead, looking, analyzing, informing. Sometimes, they make us act in ways that are foreign to who we truly are, and that’s why taking things too personally is a waste of time and energy.
Imagine you have someone in your life who never has anything nice to say about you. Every time they open their mouths (or their DMs), they deliver a somewhat passive-aggressive remark that makes you feel like shit. I would say dump them immediately, but if for some reason that’s not possible, take this advice me and my friends love to throw around: act like you’re dumb and pretend you didn’t get it. Because there’s nothing quite like calling people out on their own bullshit.
Last but not least, remember this for unparalleled joy, bliss, and peace—this, all of this, it’s rarely about you.
Anything that is not this
If it doesn’t fit the vibe I meticulously curated for winter while listening to Bad Bunny’s genius new album (I don’t care if it’s raining outside, I live my best life in my own mind anyway, and in my own mind the temperature just hit 30 degrees, my toes are in the sand, BAILE INoLVIDABLE is playing in the background, and I’m dressed in the hottest head to toe Gimaguas outfit), then I don’t want it.
Before you go, some honorable mentions
Abusing therapy speak and forgetting how to speak like an actual human being (I might be guilty of this one sometimes)
Bluntness without emotional responsibility / disguising your meanness as honesty
Corporate life! To quote the great Julia Fox, I hate working, just let me get a house in the countryside, plant some strawberries and write everyday—e-mails not included
Anything that is too posed, too calculated or too aesthetically pleasing, give us authenticity and messiness instead, please
Delusion / confidence without humbleness, they can both exist, trust me