Things that ruin the tour

An unofficial list.

Jul 02, 2024

There are few things in life that give me the joy (blushing, giggling, kicking my feet) that a defining pop culture moment does.

At the risk of sounding frivolous, I love occupying my brain with useless pop culture information. I love having the reference. I love being the friend that knows these things. As futile as pop culture may seem, it always creates space for something bigger. When done right, it stands the test of time, comes back, and remains relevant.

Between brat, that’s that me espresso, and is somebody gonna match my freak, Nicola Coughlan and Luke Newton’s PR but maybe not that PR relationship, and the premiere of House of the Dragon and The Bear, you might have missed that Justin Timberlake recently got arrested for drunk driving. How not very hot girl summer of you, Justin—responsibility is sexy; please take an Uber next time.

The Internet, of course, took a split second to react to the incident. You had your “karma is my boyfriend” side, citing that he absolutely had it coming after the whole Britney situation, the very clever “NSYNC? more like INTOXICATED” punch, and the hundreds of memes poking fun at the “this is going to ruin the tour” realization.

In true Bradshaw fashion, I couldn’t help but wonder: what, in fact, are the things that ruin the tour?

Dressing your age

Although I recently turned 30 (and wrote about it here), I don’t think I ever craved “fun” as I do now. Blame it on brat girl summer, recent episodes of extreme stress, or the utterly unexpected jelly flats from The Row, but all I want to do is have fun—and dress accordingly. In other words, I don’t feel like dressing “my age”. I don’t feel like having a serious wardrobe or sticking to a single aesthetic like it’s my religion.

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This video from Katie Casper says it all. Long live dressing younger as you get older.

In fact, I feel like I’ve reached a point of aesthetical saturation, and I don’t want to play the “this or that” game anymore. I want to be a multitude of things. I want to wear going out tops on a Saturday morning and Havaianas to the club. I want to show up to family lunch in a 2000s baby tee that says “hating pop music doesn’t make you deep” and meet my friends for coffee wearing the chicest, most expensive-looking outfit possible. I want more pink and orange and red. I want flowers and beads and lots of blush on my cheeks.

Lack of balance

The other day, I slept until 1 p.m. I hadn't slept that late in forever. I wasn’t hungover, sick, or jet-lagged—I was just very tired. My body and my mind needed to rot for an entire morning. End of story. Once I woke up, I told my fiancé that I was craving beans, toast, bacon, and eggs. A meal I love but also hadn’t had in forever. We ate at 3 p.m and stayed home watching the Twilight saga. The next day, I got up at 7 a.m, had a nice breakfast with fresh fruit and homemade granola, and went on a hike. At 8 p.m, I devoured a smash burger with a side of fries and a Coke. It was delicious.

The older I get, the more I realize that my life only makes sense when I’m balanced. I’m learning that I don’t need to be productive all the time. I can slow down and enjoy an hour of doing nothing. I can order McDonald’s without feeling guilty. I can start my morning with Pilates and finish my day with sweat marks all over my clothes from dancing with my friends until 4 a.m.

This idea that two things can be true at once and that not everything needs to be productive / put together all the time is the real deal for inner peace.

Beef

In particular the silent beef, or the beef that feels one-sided.

Shit like this can really ruin the tour, but here’s a radical notion: instead of wasting time and energy wondering why someone started acting weird or giving the vibe that they don’t like you, sending you mixed signals, or straight up ghosting you, let them come to you if they really have a problem.

If Charli and Lorde can work it out on the remix, so can you.

(I just wanted an excuse to include this cute image. But seriously, the only thing you should be guessing is the meaning of life—not if someone hates you.)

“But I discovered it first”

Yes, and? In addition to people who hate everything that is popular—and make those who love mainstream things feel bad about themselves for being way too“basic”—, the I had it / I knew it / I discovered it first gang really sucks all the joy in the room. We get it, Einstein. Here’s your Nobel.

There’s probably some explanation to why we feel the need to call dibs on things that are all over the Internet for everyone to enjoy, and why we bother going the extra mile to make sure everyone knows we crossed the finish line first. My tip for today is: next time you see someone getting excited about something you had / knew / discovered ages ago, try appreciating the beauty of having a common interest with them. This is how community is built. No one needs your uGh, hOw aRe YoU OnLy cAtcHing UP to tHis NOW? energy.